Valentine’s Day

I woke up this morning.

I mean, I guess I should feel happy about that.

Some days are really hard. I love my kids more than anything, but they are driving me crazy a lot of the time. Our mornings are so rushed and I feel so stressed all the time. I hate it for them because they deserve to have a happy mom. I feel like I am yelling or griping at them so much.

I went to the doctor today about all my pain and she was anything but helpful. She offered me two options but no diagnosis. Of course she offered the BCP, because isn’t that the doctor’s way of fixing everything these days? Having severe pain with your period? Let’s just eradicate your period. Forget about actually trying to find out what is causing the pain. It doesn’t work that way for me. I am not going to take the pill. It is not the way I want to manage my body, nor do I think it is the way God wants me to manage my fertility. She brushed off my complaints about my moods, lack of sex drive, exhaustion. I just don’t think she hears me and I find that so frustrating. I think I am going to get a second opinion. I don’t think I should have to be in pain for the rest of my child bearing years.

I arrived at work this morning in such a sour mood. It happens and I tried to keep to myself as much as I could. No one else should have to suffer just because I am. Fortunately I have a good friend here at work who I was able to blow off some steam to, and that helped a lot. This week is going to be hard, but I’ll make it through.

I just don’t enjoy Valentine’s day. There is so much pressure to perform on this day. Everyone is supposed to make big gestures that say I love you and I just think it is silly. It’s fun for the kids, and I appreciate that part of it, but I could give or take the rest. That being said, my dear sweet and so supportive husband showed up with flowers and a card and a balloon for me this afternoon, which was really nice. I am trying to be appreciative while cringing at the thought of what that must have cost ON Valentine’s Day nonetheless.

I love my kids. They drive me crazy, but when I am away from them I crave them. I am looking forward to getting home to them tonight. The rest, I guess, just is what it is at the moment.

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